Rooms for rent...

Some of the E-mails I sent out in my efforts to find a room to stay in.


My name is Maxwell Shepherd. Me and my cousin Jeremy are searching for a place to live and are interested in your room. We are both clean and calm people. We hate noise and messes. We hate them so much. If we find a mess we will clean the shit out of it. So hard. We are very calm, though. Very. We clean as we go, rather than wait for messes to build over the course of many days. That’s stupid, and we hate people who do it. Fuck those people. We both like bears and I own many, many knives. I also have extensive martial arts training and would be willing to use that training in conjunction with my knives to defend the household from any threat, be that threat a hobo rapist, a Mexican or a person who leaves messes and makes a lot of noise. You’re not that kind of person are you?

- Maxwell


Hi. I want to live with you. I want to live with you so hard. So, so hard. Let's meet so I can show you how hard I want to live with you.

- Maxwell

Greetings! My name is Maxwell! I am very seriously looking for a room to stay in for a few months! I'm living in my car and it's even missing a window! I can't afford to renue my membership at my gym so I can't even take showers anymore let alone eat! I have no money to pay you, but I would be more than happy to work my rent off in anyway you see fit! Seriously, anyway at all (excluding sodomy *wink*)! Ok!

- Maxwell