If I were to make an animal

It would have ...

1. The body of a chimpanzee. Chimpanzee's are strong. Like, super fucking strong. I would give my animal the body of a roided out retarded chimpanzee, thus combining roid strength, chimp strength and retard strength to mold pound for pound the strongest creature on earth.

2. The head of a crocodile. Crocodiles have the strongest bite preassure of any animal alive. And plus the phsychological factor comes into play. Can you imagine a retarded chimp with the disproportionate sized head of a crocodile roiding out on you, snapping its huge jaws in your face and pounding on its chest? No. You can not. It's like the best parts of king-kong and Godzilla combined into one.

3. The prehensile tail of a monkey. Because this way it would have 5 limbs instead of just 4 to fuck you up with.

4. The prehensile dong of an elephant. Because this way it would have 6 limbs instead of just 5 to fuck you (up) with. Imagine a tentacle, but also a dong. Yes.

5. The wings of a bat. Now it can fucking fly, too. Thought you'd be safe up in that helicopter? You couldn't have been more wrong even if you were trying to be the wrongest you could possibly be. How about chimp/croc dive bombs, swooping from the skies and wrapping its anaconda-esqe wiener around your body so it can take you to its cave high on a cliff face in the middle of nowhere and devour your body and soul. How about that?!

6. The anaconda of an anaconda. Now it has an ana-fucking-conda growing out of its torso! What?!

7. The tentacles of a squid. Now it has an anaconda, a prehensile tail, a prehensile boner and 10 tentacles sprouting from its incredibly powerful chimp body. This is a creature forged from the most horrific of nightmares. Indeed it is.

8. The stinger of a scorpion! scorps is gonna get ya!

9. The legs of a millipede.

10. The bill of a platypus.

11. The claws of a lobster.

12. The tusks of a mastodon. I'm not counting extinct animals, but I'm pretty sure mastodons are still around somewhere. Fuck you, science!

13. The horns of a rhino and a bull.

15. The stripes of a zebra.

16. The claws of a werewolf.

And that's the animal I would make. God, take note. I'm very disappointed that this thing doesn't exist already. Get your shit together!