Friday, January 15, 2010

Top 2 Ways to Get an Octopus to Fuck a Melon

Wikipedia on the mating procedure of octopuses: "When octopuses reproduce, males use a specialized arm called a hectocotylus to insert spermataphores (packets of sperm) into the female's mantle cavity."

Sexy.

In my experience if you want to watch an octopus make sweet, gooey, squirmy love with a melon there are exactly two reasonable ways to go about it. I will detail these methods below.

Method Number One - Tape a picture of an octopus vagina to the melon
Required equipment: tape, a photograph of an octupuses lady parts, a knife.
Step 1: Pick of your tape
Step 2: Pick up your Melon
Step 3: Pick up your photograph
Step 4: With your free hand, tape the photograph to the melon
Step 5: With your knife cut a hole through the photo into the melon big enough for an octpopuses hectocotylus (Science for "octopus dick).
Step 6: Wait
Step 7: Enjoy

Method Number Two - Draw a sexy Octopus on your melon with a felt pen
Required equipment: A felt pen
Step 1: Draw a sexy octopus on your melon with your felt pen
Step 2: Wait
Step 3: Enjoy

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